you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
In other news, I just burned my penis
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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