Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
