Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
