how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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