I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
