Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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