Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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