Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
