I think my fart just growled at me.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
