thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
