My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
