tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
