I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
