So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I got inside last night via doggy door
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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