Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
