My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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