I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
