I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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