In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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