The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
