I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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