What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
