Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
