Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
