can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
