The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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