You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
