Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
They have beer where we have blood.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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