What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I am one with the molecules
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
