My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
