nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
