I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
