As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
