speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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