I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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