Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
