Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I think my fart just growled at me.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Randomize
