I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
