I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
