New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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