Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
