yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
