just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
