when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
