Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
