So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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