What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
