Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
