At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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