i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
