For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
