His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
