She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
